The Unfathomable Delirium An online repository of my informal writing

Villagers from Agusan del Sur captured via a trap a 21-feet long crocodile last week, September 3. The saltwater croc, which weighs 1,075 kg, is thought to be the largest captured crocodile in the world, surpassing the 18-feet-long Australian crocodile that holds the Guinness world record. 

Photo taken here

The crocodile, soon named “Lolong,” is now kept in a penned pond, and is planned by the local government of Bunawan to use as a tourist bait. This is so fitting because other that its enormous size, Lolong is made even more interesting by the assumption that it killed two people—a fisherman who went missing on July, and a 12-year-old girl who the croc purportedly decapitated (so cinematic!). Edwin Cox Elorde, Bunawan mayor, also claims that the croc killed a carabao.

Now this animal here is exactly what people want to get in close contact with. 

Photo taken here

I thought this news is actually pretty cute—a record-breaking man-eater is captured by the townspeople, who see the captive as a potential source of income. If ever their plan to market the beast for viewing pans out, then it will be good for the local government’s economy. The tourists would also get what they’d pay for (which I assume is “seeing an extraordinary natural wonder” and not “getting their heads pulled off”). It’s a win-win situation, really. Except PETA thinks we’re being the inconsiderate heartless creatures that we are...again.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)-Asia Pacific campaigner Ashley Fruno said that Lolong is better off set free, back to the wild and away from humans. She said that zoos can never replicate the natural environment of the crocodile and may only make it crazy, as in the acting-up-like-a-rebellious-Disney-star kind of crazy. She called for the government to do the “compassionate thing” and release the caged beast.

As usual, PETA’s concern is real and I agree that wildlife should be in the wild. But the last time the giant croc was in the wild, it beheaded a kid. Again she’s probably right that the smart thing to do other than locking up Lolong is to put it in a place far away from people. However, where the hell in the Philippines could that possibly be?

So, what should we do about the giant crocodile? Cage it? Free it? Or just kill it, para tapos ang usapan? Here are some really witty suggestions made by our compatriots in this article.

Now here, a commenter just got lost from the topic.

Finally! The Filipino zombie movie, Zombadings: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington is now showing in selected theaters nationwide. The independent film, directed by Jade Castro (My Big Love, My Amnesia Girl), is a funny allegory of the country’s gay culture, gays in general, and their acceptance in the modern day Philippines (which, if you come to think of it, is still pretty elusive).

The film tells the story of Remington, who, as a boy was cursed by an angered old gay to become a homosexual himself. While Remington’s curse was being realized (he was becoming attracted to his best friend and was speaking in pure bekimon), a homophobic killer, who slew the gays in Lucban one by one, was on the loose. Together with his best friend and a girl he met only two days before he turned gay and already has fallen in love with (Lauren Young), Remington tries to reverse the curse and solve the case of the gay murders in their town. 

I can’t say that I hated the movie completely, nor can I say that I loved it. It was really funny, but I thought it failed to deliver whatever creative show its director and writers were trying to put on. However, here are some points about the film that I liked—and disliked.

I liked it because:

IT’S A ZOMBIE MOVIE. I am fascinated by zombies, and although I don’t enjoy every zombie film that I watch (e.g. Zombieland), I was thrilled by the minor zombie element of Zombadings. The zombies came out late in the movie and they were pretty much just accessories in it. They did not significantly move the plot. I expected more zombie action from a movie titled Zombadings.

The zombies in the film were fine, though. Minus the fact that they were all gays and had curly hairs, the zombies actually looked, walked, and acted as they should. The zombies bit people, but there was nothing very graphic. Actually, most of their victims died after a bite (nibble?) on the neck and some on their bodies. But it’s okay.

IT WAS FUNNY. I could have seen more flaws, if the movie wasn’t distracting me with all its gags and hilarious portrayal of the gays. More than once I found myself laughing loudly inside the cinema. I don’t know if it was the acting of lead Mart Escudero as the totally gay Remington, or the quirkiness of gays and their language as a whole. Either way, the movie cracked me up good.

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS WERE PRETTY OKAY. I was surprised to see how the visual effects, like those colorful lights that come out of the killer’s “gaydar,” didn’t look like graphics from a 90s video game, like what other Pinoy movies has been showing. It was a relief.

AWESOME PRODUCTION. I honestly commend the team behind Zombadings because everything physical came up good. ‘La ko ma-say! I liked the setting too. The cinematography wasn’t bad either.

Photo taken here

Now here’s why I didn’t like it (warning: my know-it-all alter ego is speaking):

BAD START. I didn’t like how the film began—with a montage from 15 years ago that would tell you right away what has caused the conflict. Of course it had a “cute” child actor, who will somehow make you forget about how poor the acting and the direction of the scenes were, to play as the young Remington (note: The audience thought the kid was cute; I didn’t).

THE PREMISE WAS NOT DELIVERED WELL. Sometimes strangeness in itself is a good motivator for a viewer. See, the film is all about a straight guy turning gay because of a curse and a serial killing with a magical “gaydar” as the weapon. Then there will be zombies in the progression of the film. It’s an interesting premise, but one that wasn’t effectively executed.

I thought everything was far away from each other—Remington’s gayness, the killings (the killer), and even the zombies. I get that each of these elements have something to represent. One I can think of is that the gay murders somehow reflect homophobia among Filipinos, old Pinoy men in particular. However, these parts weren’t connected in a style that could have unified them more. Sure, the zombies were summoned after the killer killed one of the gays, so there’s the connection, but there was no further point to it. I mean, why?

JANICE DE BELEN. Why is she in this movie? Hinde, joke lang. I mean acting-wise, the movie was (only) a bit  inadequate. Maybe it’s the mainstream actors (e.g. awkward Young) who have mainstream ways of acting...whatever mainstream ways of acting mean.

The film also used non-actors, which is kind of a trend in indie movies, and it was not very good. 

MORE STUFF THAT WOULD ONLY MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN ASS THAT’S OVERTHINKING A GODDAMNED COMEDY MOVIE.

I get that the movie was a comedy, and because I had fun watching it, it must be effective. But maybe not. I feel like there were just very funny scenes I enjoyed and that they didn’t stand for the film in itself. But it could be that I just had more expectations to it—acting-, plot-, and direction-wise. Also, zombie-wise.