The Unfathomable Delirium An online repository of my informal writing

I thought about writing something timely today, like the demise of that puny young actor, but I figured I might just wind up offending people (mostly those with the guy’s face as their Facebook photo), so instead I decided to write about a very fascinating group of animal species—the rhinoceros.

Rhinoceroses are an awesome group of five existing animal species. Since their first appearance on earth, circa the Miocene era (give or take 14 million years before the Internet), rhinos have significantly decreased in number, especially within the last few decades. And by significantly, we’re looking at a 90% decline since 1970. Good job, rhino killers!

Being one of the largest and heaviest terrestrial animals there is in the planet, rhinoceroses have to be naturally intimidating, and perhaps they really are. With their horns (trivia: unlike the typical horn, theirs is mostly keratinized and lacking of a bony core), they can charge and strike anyone with powerful blows until they feel like stopping. Despite their enormous weight (one to two tons), rhinos are pretty agile creatures. They can also gallop for as fast as 30 miles per hour. They may also know a bit of ballet, but a record of them doing pirouettes is yet to be made.

I also discovered that rhinos have poor eye sights, but are blessed with a sharp sense of hearing and smell. Also that rhinoceroses don’t really live up to their tough, built-to-kill reputation. Behind their intimidating features is the good-natured animal that they really are (*tears*). Rhinos are wholly herbivorous—they dine solely on plants. They don’t even have the front teeth to be carnivores, so forget about getting eaten by them. The worst that they can do to you is pierce your torso with their horns, which is not that bad, is it? It is, yes (I realized it the minute I typed it).

This is the moment to note that rhinoceroses are just like your typical teleserye protagonist. They are taken advantage of, despite (and because) of their niceness. Sure, they are not cajoled by an evil antagonist to do something that they are dumb enough to believe is for their benefit (but will actually lead them to misery, etcetera), but rhinos are put on an equally unfair situation: they are poached and killed by humans, their number one predator, for their horns.

Photo taken here

Essentially, there is nothing extraordinary with the rhino horns, as they are simply made up of the same materials that compose horse hooves, turtle beaks, and cockatoo bills. Nevertheless, many cultures revere this stupid piece of crap. In Yemen, for example, rhino horns are used as handles for daggers called “jambiya”, which is given to 12-year-old Yemeni boys and they are considered as an emblem of manhood and devotion to Islam.

Meanwhile in Traditional Chinese Medicine, they are widely used to cure fever and convulsions. A translation of a Chinese medical text also reveals that rhino horns are prescribed for virtually every possible conditions—typhoid, headache, colds, boils, arthritis, food poisoning, anxiety, nightmares, demonic possessions, and probably all the other diseases you saw on Grey’s Anatomy. This practice is said to extend to other Asian countries, like Vietnam. The sad thing is that this tradition is as pointless as a circle (lol, nice simile Brian).

Trying to figure out the sense of this belief are a lot of scientific studies that all, lo and behold, came up with a conclusion that RHINO HORNS HAVE NO MEDICINAL PROPERTIES. Whaddup, people who believe this shit!

Photo taken here

The continuous subscription to this tradition has kept the poachers from hunting the rhinoceroses. This of course leads to the steady decrease in the rhinoceros population. I can’t even begin to express how annoying people are for keeping stupid traditions, especially those that put other in peril. I wouldn’t start on a conservationist cant here, because I know I will only sound phony, but this at least I’d say: if saving the rhinos equals rejecting a practice that is scientifically proven to be bat-shit crazy, isn’t doing that winning?

Rhinoceroses are too damn cool and letting them disappear completely is just painfully lame.

My conclusion almost said “You take rhino horns instead of aspirin? That is so gay”, which is a bit homophobic, so forget it.

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