The Unfathomable Delirium An online repository of my informal writing

It’s no secret that the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) is the biggest buzz kill in this country. From condemning (with full emotions) a noble bill, to destroying our apocalyptic dreams, and to cancelling a completely harmless French fries commercial, they’ve done more than their fair share of killing fun. But I do get it. They want to form our values to the best that we can have and to the nearest we could be to becoming Christ-like (at least that’s what I interpreted from my two years of Religious Education). But is that all they want? Are our pious folks truly selflessly looking after our moral welfare? Didn’t you ever think that their censure of the RH Bill is something personal?

Well, I did.

CBCP doesn’t want RH Bill passed because it will make such an awesome law. Once ratified, this bill shall make possible a better future for the Philippines. A more stable and efficient (hopefully less) population, progressive citizens, well-guided youth, you name it—these are all possible products of a helpful law that aims nothing but to direct our compatriots to a responsible parenthood and proper education about reproduction (which begs the question: why can’t people against RH Bill just be as optimistic as this guy?)

Now when Filipinos are better people, with much less problems over their heads, they would not need help that much anymore (even less from people in proud white robes who barely have any first-hand experience of real life). I hope it won’t sound partial, given that it’s my perspective, but don’t people frequent to the church when there’s a lot of things that are bugging them? Especially if it’s problems like...

“My children are so many I can’t afford to feed them all. Maybe I’ll just feed half of them today. The other half, tomorrow.”

“My boyfriend has knocked me up. OMG I am only 16. My parents are going to kill me. And this blessed child inside my womb that I should keep, because this innocent clump of thoughtless cells are more important to CBCP than the lives of actual living people killed day by day in ceaseless wars!”

“Oh dear God I just saw my 12-year-old daughter give her playmate a blow job! What a fucking (*excuse me*) slut (*and again*).”

Photo taken here

But let’s pretend that this nifty bill gets ratified and our fellow Filipinos have happily become better citizens (meaning they don’t listen to Love Radio anymore, or at least have steady jobs already). Perhaps at this point less people would go to church. Why would they go to church? They’re on a freaking roll. Life is good. There’s nothing to ask God for (and yes, a lot of people think that’s all He’s good for). Yeah, maybe some would still come for thanksgiving, but others might be too fucking busy with their new progressive and less controlled lives.

Also, rich people aren’t religious. Sometimes they are just branded devout, because they give a lot of cash for whatever new project is ongoing in the church. There probably has to be a repainting of the church pillars every year, so the rich shell out some of that wealth to get their names engraved next to the words “Donated by” and have their personal affirmation of kindness (and therefore salvation) from the local priest. But that doesn’t make them real followers of CBCP.

And CBCP doesn’t want that. For all I know, this company of bitter old men have the insatiable need for power tripping and manipulation, that the thought of losing good followers who’ll depend on their blessings and null words is just too unbearable for them.

So you good followers of CBCP, este of God, shall join the movement of contradicting this bill. Why? One, this is such a disgraceful act of . Two, CBCP said so. AND CBCP MUST BE RIGHT BECAUSE THEM GUYS WEAR WHITE CLOTHING AND HAVE NO WIVES.

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Before you tell me to fuck myself (or tie a noose around my neck), I would like to remind you that this, of course, is a gag. It’s my own strange take on the issue. I obviously dislike the CBCP, and I have my own reasons for that.

Say yes to choice, you guys!