The Unfathomable Delirium

What We Should Do About the Giant Crocodile

2011-09-10T20:25:00.000+08:00

Villagers from Agusan del Sur captured via a trap a 21-feet long crocodile last week, September 3. The saltwater croc, which weighs 1,075 kg, is thought to be the largest captured crocodile in the world, surpassing the 18-feet-long Australian crocodile that holds the Guinness world record.

Photo taken here

Don’t worry, it’s asleep (I guess)

The crocodile, soon named “Lolong,” is now kept in a penned pond, and is planned by the local government of Bunawan to use as a tourist bait. This is so fitting because other that its enormous size, Lolong is made even more interesting by the assumption that it killed two people—a fisherman who went missing on July, and a 12-year-old girl who the croc purportedly decapitated (so cinematic!). Edwin Cox Elorde, Bunawan mayor, also claims that the croc killed a carabao.

Now this animal here is exactly what people want to get in close contact with.

Photo taken here

And shoot in the mouth, ala Resident Evil 5

I thought this news is actually pretty cute—a record-breaking man-eater is captured by the townspeople, who see the captive as a potential source of income. If ever their plan to market the beast for viewing pans out, then it will be good for the local government’s economy. The tourists would also get what they’d pay for (which I assume is “seeing an extraordinary natural wonder” and not “getting their heads pulled off”). It’s a win-win situation, really. Except PETA thinks we’re being the inconsiderate heartless creatures that we are...again.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)-Asia Pacific campaigner Ashley Fruno said that Lolong is better off set free, back to the wild and away from humans. She said that zoos can never replicate the natural environment of the crocodile and may only make it crazy, as in the acting-up-like-a-rebellious-Disney-star kind of crazy. She called for the government to do the “compassionate thing” and release the caged beast.

As usual, PETA’s concern is real and I agree that wildlife should be in the wild. But the last time the giant croc was in the wild, it beheaded a kid. Again she’s probably right that the smart thing to do other than locking up Lolong is to put it in a place far away from people. However, where the hell in the Philippines could that possibly be?

So, what should we do about the giant crocodile? Cage it? Free it? Or just kill it, para tapos ang usapan? Here are some really witty suggestions made by our compatriots in this article.

Now here, a commenter just got lost from the topic.

You dog owners...

Delirium

Zombadings: What I Liked and Didn’t

2011-08-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

Finally! The Filipino zombie movie, Zombadings: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington is now showing in selected theaters nationwide. The independent film, directed by Jade Castro (My Big Love, My Amnesia Girl), is a funny allegory of the country’s gay culture, gays in general, and their acceptance in the modern day Philippines (which, if you come to think of it, is still pretty elusive).

The film tells the story of Remington, who, as a boy was cursed by an angered old gay to become a homosexual himself. While Remington’s curse was being realized (he was becoming attracted to his best friend and was speaking in pure bekimon), a homophobic killer, who slew the gays in Lucban one by one, was on the loose. Together with his best friend and a girl he met only two days before he turned gay and already has fallen in love with (Lauren Young), Remington tries to reverse the curse and solve the case of the gay murders in their town.

I can’t say that I hated the movie completely, nor can I say that I loved it. It was really funny, but I thought it failed to deliver whatever creative show its director and writers were trying to put on. However, here are some points about the film that I liked—and disliked.

I liked it because:

IT’S A ZOMBIE MOVIE. I am fascinated by zombies, and although I don’t enjoy every zombie film that I watch (e.g. Zombieland), I was thrilled by the minor zombie element of Zombadings. The zombies came out late in the movie and they were pretty much just accessories in it. They did not significantly move the plot. I expected more zombie action from a movie titled Zombadings.

The zombies in the film were fine, though. Minus the fact that they were all gays and had curly hairs, the zombies actually looked, walked, and acted as they should. The zombies bit people, but there was nothing very graphic. Actually, most of their victims died after a bite (nibble?) on the neck and some on their bodies. But it’s okay.

IT WAS FUNNY. I could have seen more flaws, if the movie wasn’t distracting me with all its gags and hilarious portrayal of the gays. More than once I found myself laughing loudly inside the cinema. I don’t know if it was the acting of lead Mart Escudero as the totally gay Remington, or the quirkiness of gays and their language as a whole. Either way, the movie cracked me up good.

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS WERE PRETTY OKAY. I was surprised to see how the visual effects, like those colorful lights that come out of the killer’s “gaydar,” didn’t look like graphics from a 90s video game, like what other Pinoy movies has been showing. It was a relief.

AWESOME PRODUCTION. I honestly commend the team behind Zombadings because everything physical came up good. ‘La ko ma-say! I liked the setting too. The cinematography wasn’t bad either.

Photo taken here

Now here’s why I didn’t like it (warning: my know-it-all alter ego is speaking):

BAD START. I didn’t like how the film began—with a montage from 15 years ago that would tell you right away what has caused the conflict. Of course it had a “cute” child actor, who will somehow make you forget about how poor the acting and the direction of the scenes were, to play as the young Remington (note: The audience thought the kid was cute; I didn’t).

THE PREMISE WAS NOT DELIVERED WELL. Sometimes strangeness in itself is a good motivator for a viewer. See, the film is all about a straight guy turning gay because of a curse and a serial killing with a magical “gaydar” as the weapon. Then there will be zombies in the progression of the film. It’s an interesting premise, but one that wasn’t effectively executed.

I thought everything was far away from each other—Remington’s gayness, the killings (the killer), and even the zombies. I get that each of these elements have something to represent. One I can think of is that the gay murders somehow reflect homophobia among Filipinos, old Pinoy men in particular. However, these parts weren’t connected in a style that could have unified them more. Sure, the zombies were summoned after the killer killed one of the gays, so there’s the connection, but there was no further point to it. I mean, why?

JANICE DE BELEN. Why is she in this movie? Hinde, joke lang. I mean acting-wise, the movie was (only) a bit inadequate. Maybe it’s the mainstream actors (e.g. awkward Young) who have mainstream ways of acting...whatever mainstream ways of acting mean.

The film also used non-actors, which is kind of a trend in indie movies, and it was not very good.

MORE STUFF THAT WOULD ONLY MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN ASS THAT’S OVERTHINKING A GODDAMNED COMEDY MOVIE.

I get that the movie was a comedy, and because I had fun watching it, it must be effective. But maybe not. I feel like there were just very funny scenes I enjoyed and that they didn’t stand for the film in itself. But it could be that I just had more expectations to it—acting-, plot-, and direction-wise. Also, zombie-wise.

Review

Paul

2011-06-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

And now the review.

Photo taken here

British best buds and sci-fi geeks Graeme Willy and Clive Gollings (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) travel to America to attend the Comic-Con and to see different geeky places (i.e. sets of various sci-fi movies). While they were driving off with their RV, trying to escape some hillbillies whose truck they accidentally dented, they saw a car crash. They stopped to see what happened, but instead of seeing injured bodies, they met Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen), an alien.

Paul is a foul-mouthed alien who apparently has been under the guard of the U.S. government since his inadvertent landing in 1947. Paul asks, upon meeting the duo, to give him a lift to somewhere you would not be told about until later in the movie (a hint though: a rendezvous for Paul's departure). Graeme and Clive agreed, and travelled with Paul and Ruth Buggs (Kristen Wiig), a woman they kidnapped (well, it’s kind of a long story) from the motor park. The catch is that an FBI agent in the name of Lorenzo Zoil (Jason Bateman) and two neophyte agents (Bill Hader and Joe Lo Truglio) are hunting for Paul. Adding up to the chase is Ruth’s religious father.

I hope you know where this premise steers the movie at—to a pretty formulaic comic chase. And of course, a truly happy ending.

When I first saw the trailer of the film back in 2010, I know I had to watch it because it has the Pegg-Frost tandem in it. But later on, as I waited for its showing (see previous post), I also fell smitten to other cast members as I enjoyed their performances in other shows/movies I’ve seen during the wait (e.g. I saw a lot of Jason Bateman in Arrested Development this summer). Ultimately, the film’s ensemble cast became an even more perfect treat for me, and that’s why I was looking forward to seeing Paul so much.

So did the movie meet my expectations? Pretty much. It wasn’t so great, but it was cute and fun like every Pegg-Frost film is. It has a really enjoyable plot, which wasn’t complicated at all. The alien Paul was also a winner (Seth Rogen was perfect for it, really), what with his cheekiness and very clever lines. I also loved Kristen Wiig, because a lot of the most memorable scenes from the movie were hers. I especially liked the one where she just suddenly knelt in front of Paul and sang “Amazing Grace” like the religious woman that she was. Also, she’s an overall funny actress.

There’s not a lot of new things with Paul. Aside from the smart way geeky references were mixed in, I don’t think there’s more to it than the comedy from the characters. Another thing I’ve noticed is that it kind of used its running gags a little too much. I am all for inside joke-ish kind of comedy, but the ones in Paul could get tiring, especially if you’re not one for repetition. Gags about Ruth’s new habit to curse and the creature with three tits on the cover of Clive’s book (which was “awesome”) are some of the recurring jokes in the movie.

Anyway, I still loved the movie. I enjoyed it so much. Maybe the fact that I’ve waited for it so long and that I’ve been through a lot just to see it told me that I had to appreciate it whatever happens. Or maybe it was just really enjoyable.

Review

Things that Happened Before I Finally Saw Paul

2011-06-09T23:32:00.004+08:00

I once said in this blog that one of the few things I look forward to this year is the sci-fi comedy film Paul. I meant that. I was very excited about it that the moment it was screened in the UK on February 14, I was already scouting the internet for a torrent copy of it. Unfortunately, all I got was a shitty product of a camcorder. I watched that copy, nevertheless. But I had to see it in good quality and I knew I had to wait until it gets shown here in the Philippines. I didn’t know, though that the wait would be for almost four months.

It was Wednesday, June 1 when Paul finally opened in cinemas in the country. By the last day of May, I was already teeming in excitement and I swear I was smiling all day (you have no idea how much I want to see this film). At least that was the feeling before I learned that we have a meeting at the exact same day of the first day screening. Although I have long ago set up a plan to see Paul at its very first day, I had to bend and calm my intense craving to watch the goddamn film already. So that leaves me with Thursday, the next day. Still no, the universe said, because that day marked the start of the freshmen recruitment where I had to participate. Friday was another recruitment day, Saturday I had some important things to do, so Sunday was the perfect day to watch Paul (since the following week is again for the recruitment thing).

I was on a rush Sunday afternoon to catch the 5:55 PM showing of Paul at the nearest SM where it is screened. I knew from my previous inquiry that there was really a 5:55 PM showing. Bad luck had me again with an unfortunate bus ride. The bus driver was rather in the mood to take things slowly and to make stopovers every five minutes (plus every stopover lasted for about 10 or so minutes, depending on how many mais, mani, kendi, and tubig vendors get in the bus and how many passengers buy from them). Honestly, by that time I wanted to blow the driver’s head off and get the fucking bus moving already. I also expected to be late.

But then I arrived at the mall at 5:45 PM. Yey for being lucky, I though. So I went up the third floor, wearing my I’m-going-to-finally-see-the-movie-I-have-forever-waited face (my happy face, in short), only to be crushed to know that schedules have changed and Paul’s last showing was at 2:50 PM. That’s when I threw a tantrum in public for the first time since I grew pubic hairs.

Fuck you, you motherfucking lying website I am not going to watch movies ever again. I hate the world.

But I am only kidding. I managed to keep calm despite my defeat and no matter how devastating it was for me, I knew I had to be mature, so I just had some Burger King to pacify my emotions. I went through cinema websites while I was there and checked out other nearby places where I can watch Paul, THAT NIGHT. I was so desperate, because I thought that seeing the movie was a now-or-never thing (from Monday to Thursday, I would be at school and I predicted that they will stop showing the film by Wednesday, which wasn’t the case). Anyway, none of my plans (go to SM Southmall, Festival Mall, or ATC) that night transpired.

I saw Paul Monday morning. The first full show was at 10:50 AM. I was at the mall by 10:00 AM. Yes, they opened when I got there. Please keep your judgments to yourself. Haha. Anyway, I think it goes without saying how happy I was when I finally got inside the theater, popcorn on one hand, excited to see a film that I’ve actually seen already. I think I let out a soft squeal when I got in. I can’t be sure. So there I was alone with a few other people (more or less 10 others) watching uninteresting trailers of films which were all probably produced by Steven Spielberg (how inviting!), until, you know...

Delirium

Why the CBCP Disapproves the RH Bill

2011-05-14T01:42:00.000+08:00

It’s no secret that the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) is the biggest buzz kill in this country. From condemning (with full emotions) a noble bill, to destroying our apocalyptic dreams, and to cancelling a completely harmless French fries commercial, they’ve done more than their fair share of killing fun. But I do get it. They want to form our values to the best that we can have and to the nearest we could be to becoming Christ-like (at least that’s what I interpreted from my two years of Religious Education). But is that all they want? Are our pious folks truly selflessly looking after our moral welfare? Didn’t you ever think that their censure of the RH Bill is something personal?

Well, I did.

CBCP doesn’t want RH Bill passed because it will make such an awesome law. Once ratified, this bill shall make possible a better future for the Philippines. A more stable and efficient (hopefully less) population, progressive citizens, well-guided youth, you name it—these are all possible products of a helpful law that aims nothing but to direct our compatriots to a responsible parenthood and proper education about reproduction (which begs the question: why can’t people against RH Bill just be as optimistic as this guy?)

Now when Filipinos are better people, with much less problems over their heads, they would not need help that much anymore (even less from people in proud white robes who barely have any first-hand experience of real life). I hope it won’t sound partial, given that it’s my perspective, but don’t people frequent to the church when there’s a lot of things that are bugging them? Especially if it’s problems like...

“My children are so many I can’t afford to feed them all. Maybe I’ll just feed half of them today. The other half, tomorrow.”

“My boyfriend has knocked me up. OMG I am only 16. My parents are going to kill me. And this blessed child inside my womb that I should keep, because this innocent clump of thoughtless cells are more important to CBCP than the lives of actual living people killed day by day in ceaseless wars!”

“Oh dear God I just saw my 12-year-old daughter give her playmate a blow job! What a fucking (*excuse me*) slut (*and again*).”

Photo taken here

But let’s pretend that this nifty bill gets ratified and our fellow Filipinos have happily become better citizens (meaning they don’t listen to Love Radio anymore, or at least have steady jobs already). Perhaps at this point less people would go to church. Why would they go to church? They’re on a freaking roll. Life is good. There’s nothing to ask God for (and yes, a lot of people think that’s all He’s good for). Yeah, maybe some would still come for thanksgiving, but others might be too fucking busy with their new progressive and less controlled lives.

Also, rich people aren’t religious. Sometimes they are just branded devout, because they give a lot of cash for whatever new project is ongoing in the church. There probably has to be a repainting of the church pillars every year, so the rich shell out some of that wealth to get their names engraved next to the words “Donated by” and have their personal affirmation of kindness (and therefore salvation) from the local priest. But that doesn’t make them real followers of CBCP.

And CBCP doesn’t want that. For all I know, this company of bitter old men have the insatiable need for power tripping and manipulation, that the thought of losing good followers who’ll depend on their blessings and null words is just too unbearable for them.

So you good followers of CBCP, este of God, shall join the movement of contradicting this bill. Why? One, this is such a disgraceful act of . Two, CBCP said so. AND CBCP MUST BE RIGHT BECAUSE THEM GUYS WEAR WHITE CLOTHING AND HAVE NO WIVES.

***

Before you tell me to fuck myself (or tie a noose around my neck), I would like to remind you that this, of course, is a gag. It’s my own strange take on the issue. I obviously dislike the CBCP, and I have my own reasons for that.

Say yes to choice, you guys!

Delirium

Arrested Development Appreciation Post

2011-05-04T03:00:00.000+08:00

Arrested Development was a half-hour sitcom that aired from 2003-2006. The show revolved around the story of the Bluths, a once-wealthy and almost completely dysfunctional family of very self-involved people, and the desperate effort of a one son to keep them solid and still surviving. The show was cancelled after its three-season, 53-episode run. But not because it was a bad show (it wasn’t), but because it garnered rather low ratings.

Photo taken here

First one from the photo flood presented annoyingly in this post

Since its pilot, the show received much critical acclaim (winning 6 Emmy awards) and drew a cult following. Although I couldn’t quite claim to be part of that following, I have to say that I’m a fan of Arrested Development. Why? Now I start talking.

It’s different. I have seen a lot of sitcoms that are all funny in their own small ways, but Arrested Development kind of shies away from just being funny in its own “small ways”. It’s a rather devious show, filled with new clever ways of showing funny situations and delivering witticisms. While most sitcoms provide timing for punch lines, which usually are predictable and obvious, Arrested Development keeps the situation (and thus the jokes) real and unpredictable, at least most of the time.

Arrested Development also employs an ingenious supplementation to the scenes, sometimes cutting them abruptly to show an anecdotal video from the past, family photos, and screenshots that support the scene and just make them funnier. The narration by the show’s producer Ron Howard not only makes the continuous story of the show easier to understand, but also sometimes provide its own humor. For example in the episode The Ocean Walker, Michael (played by Jason Bateman) tells his British girlfriend, Rita who was actually mentally-retarded, that she was brilliant, and then the narrator says “Yeah, she really wasn’t”.

Unlike the usual multi-camera format used by most shows, a handheld camera style was adapted by AD, amplifying that real feel to it. This is another deviation that is not entirely uncommon. I especially liked this approach, maybe because it made it look like a reality show that admits to being scripted.

Photo taken here

Every character is great. There are nine members of the Bluth family which constitute the main cast. There’s Michael, the second eldest son, who is basically the sanest member of the family. His twin sister Lindsay (Portia de Rossi) is the materialistic socialite who feeds her self-esteem by getting into causes she does not really care or even know about. One of her charities is HOOP (Hands Off Our Penises), an anti-circumcision foundation. Lindsay’s husband Tobias Fünke (David Cross) is an ex-psychiatrist, who wants to believe that he’s meant for acting (though he hardly ever landed an acting part). Basically, Tobias is the total oddball in the show, being a never nude, completely obsessed with his acting, and suspicious about his real sexual orientation.

Photo taken here

Pictured: A supplement “Footage not found” to show the Fünke’s dysfunctional marriage

Then there’s the eldest son Gob (Will Arnett), a self-assessed playboy and magician (oh, illusionist), with the unmistakable husky voice. He likes to call his tricks “illusions”, because he thinks “a trick is what a whore does for money”. He has daddy issues. Their youngest brother Buster (Tony Hale), despite being over 30, has lived with their mother until adulthood. This explains why he’s socially-inept and overly attached to his mother. Lucille (played by the great Jessica Walter) is their narcissistic, controlling, and highly-judgmental mother. George Sr. (Jeffrey Tambor) is their equally-manipulative father. He is behind bars for fraud and lavish personal use of the company money. He basically caused family’s bankruptcy. He often tries to escape, pinning the arrest to his twin brother Oscar (also played by Tambor), who is an ex-hippie.

Now the kids. George-Michael (Michael Cera), Michael’s son, is awkward. Yeah, that trademark Michael Cera type of awkwardness. He always tries to live up to his father’s expectation and therefore wound up being the nice kid. He has a crush on his cousin Maeby (Alia Shawkat), daughter of Lindsay and Tobias. Maeby is the direct opposite of George-Michael, having almost no connection to her parents and being the the independent teenage rebel.

Well, this is aaaawkward

I like all characters of Arrested Development. Although some are more obviously funnier than the others, they all have their moments. And I’m not just saying this, because I’m in love with the show. It’s true! Also, the recurring characters and even the guest characters have their own entertaining quirks, not to mention a lot of these guests are popular TV and movie actors. So how’s that for another bonus?

Everything’s like a running gag. What I loved most about Arrested Development is its knack to draw me into the Bluth family, as if I was living with them. The continuous format of the show is perhaps responsible for creating its inside-jokish elements, such as Gob’s recording (it ain't easy being white, it ain't easy being brown...)or George-Michael’s reenactment of his favorite Star Wars scene, which for me make AD a truly enjoyable sitcom and oddly one to empathize with.

Photo taken here

AD is a really inventive show filled with well-executed new ideas and brilliant writing that is acted by the best bunch of actors I have ever seen in my (not-so-extensive) entire TV experience. I think it’s pretty obvious, but I’ll say it anyway: Arrested Development is totally my favorite TV show now. You should watch it too.

After finishing all the three seasons, the blooper reels, and the other additional videos included in my download, I’ve been re-watching AD at least one episode a day. The jokes aren’t getting old, I am telling you.

I am excited for the movie!

Have you noticed how disconnected some of my thoughts are in this post? Me too.

Delirium

Rhinoceroses

2011-04-18T22:34:00.000+08:00

I thought about writing something timely today, like the demise of that puny young actor, but I figured I might just wind up offending people (mostly those with the guy’s face as their Facebook photo), so instead I decided to write about a very fascinating group of animal species—the rhinoceros.

Rhinoceroses are an awesome group of five existing animal species. Since their first appearance on earth, circa the Miocene era (give or take 14 million years before the Internet), rhinos have significantly decreased in number, especially within the last few decades. And by significantly, we’re looking at a 90% decline since 1970. Good job, rhino killers!

The five rhino species

Being one of the largest and heaviest terrestrial animals there is in the planet, rhinoceroses have to be naturally intimidating, and perhaps they really are. With their horns (trivia: unlike the typical horn, theirs is mostly keratinized and lacking of a bony core), they can charge and strike anyone with powerful blows until they feel like stopping. Despite their enormous weight (one to two tons), rhinos are pretty agile creatures. They can also gallop for as fast as 30 miles per hour. They may also know a bit of ballet, but a record of them doing pirouettes is yet to be made.

I also discovered that rhinos have poor eye sights, but are blessed with a sharp sense of hearing and smell. Also that rhinoceroses don’t really live up to their tough, built-to-kill reputation. Behind their intimidating features is the good-natured animal that they really are (*tears*). Rhinos are wholly herbivorous—they dine solely on plants. They don’t even have the front teeth to be carnivores, so forget about getting eaten by them. The worst that they can do to you is pierce your torso with their horns, which is not that bad, is it? It is, yes (I realized it the minute I typed it).

This is the moment to note that rhinoceroses are just like your typical teleserye protagonist. They are taken advantage of, despite (and because) of their niceness. Sure, they are not cajoled by an evil antagonist to do something that they are dumb enough to believe is for their benefit (but will actually lead them to misery, etcetera), but rhinos are put on an equally unfair situation: they are poached and killed by humans, their number one predator, for their horns.

Photo taken here

Essentially, there is nothing extraordinary with the rhino horns, as they are simply made up of the same materials that compose horse hooves, turtle beaks, and cockatoo bills. Nevertheless, many cultures revere this stupid piece of crap. In Yemen, for example, rhino horns are used as handles for daggers called “jambiya”, which is given to 12-year-old Yemeni boys and they are considered as an emblem of manhood and devotion to Islam.

Meanwhile in Traditional Chinese Medicine, they are widely used to cure fever and convulsions. A translation of a Chinese medical text also reveals that rhino horns are prescribed for virtually every possible conditions—typhoid, headache, colds, boils, arthritis, food poisoning, anxiety, nightmares, demonic possessions, and probably all the other diseases you saw on Grey’s Anatomy. This practice is said to extend to other Asian countries, like Vietnam. The sad thing is that this tradition is as pointless as a circle (lol, nice simile Brian).

Trying to figure out the sense of this belief are a lot of scientific studies that all, lo and behold, came up with a conclusion that RHINO HORNS HAVE NO MEDICINAL PROPERTIES. Whaddup, people who believe this shit!

Photo taken here

Photo does not necessarily support previous/next paragraph

The continuous subscription to this tradition has kept the poachers from hunting the rhinoceroses. This of course leads to the steady decrease in the rhinoceros population. I can’t even begin to express how annoying people are for keeping stupid traditions, especially those that put other in peril. I wouldn’t start on a conservationist cant here, because I know I will only sound phony, but this at least I’d say: if saving the rhinos equals rejecting a practice that is scientifically proven to be bat-shit crazy, isn’t doing that winning?

Rhinoceroses are too damn cool and letting them disappear completely is just painfully lame.

My conclusion almost said “You take rhino horns instead of aspirin? That is so gay”, which is a bit homophobic, so forget it.

(Source) (Source) (Source) (Source)

Unfathomable

A Trip to the Salon

2011-04-07T01:06:00.000+08:00

Today I went outside the house (hurrah for that) and went to school to take the very long and very tiring Editorial Board exam. Anyway, before I went home I dropped by the salon to finally have my stupid long hair cut. Usually, I just have my hair trimmed into a shorter version of it, but today I decided to take a little deviation. This is sounding a little gay.

I haven’t gone to the barber since I started college (that’s roughly two years now), and there’s a reason for that. This means that I have not felt an electric razor through my hair for a long time already. All those subtle trims on my hair and the almost non-changing hairstyle kind of suck now that I think about it.

So at the salon, I waited for about 30 minutes for my turn with the dude who cuts hair for the guys (there was only one person for that). When I was finally seated on that swivelling barber’s chair, I told the man that he use the razor on me, instead of just the usual comb and scissors. I thought I saw a hint of surprise on his face. Maybe he was surprised that I was at last taking control with my hairstyle—unlike in all other haircuts in the past where I simply asked him to make my hair shorter and let him do whatever he deemed necessary. It is also possible, though, that I was just hoping for an actual hint of surprise on his face. Yeah, I probably just made that up.

Believe it or not, that instruction—that “use the razor on me” bit—was the only thing I asked him to do. While working on my hair, he will indistinctly suggests specifics about the haircut I’d have and I would just nod, regardless of whatever he meant. This has been the drill for as long as I remember. My experience with the barber/hairstylist/hair-trimmer/man-who-works-at-the-salon is basically him cutting my hair into a style I might have asked without my knowledge. So there.

Look at that perfect curve of hair around my ear

It actually felt nice when he was grazing the warm razor onto my head. I remember having a painfully short (and ugly) haircut in high school and getting a semi kalbo half the time I was in elementary. Although my new haircut is not even near to being semi kalbo, since the guy only used razor on the edges of my head, I still like it. I was actually feeling a bit giddy when I first touched it!

After the haircut we went into one of those fancy sinks that are apparently typical in salons, to have my hair shampooed. I was so glad about that, and I was really looking forward to that step in the process, because I did not shampoo my hair this morning when I took a bath and I also did not take a bath yesterday (so lazy to do it). Yes, I am very conscious when it comes to hygiene.

The result is a very strange haircut. My nephew called it ugly and my mother was equally appalled by it, saying “Anong nangyari sa buhok mo?” It’s alright, though, I rarely give a lot of fuck to how I look like, anyway. Also, I enjoy being back to having a rough hair (at least on the sides, heh).

Do I look retarded enough?

That’s about it for this incredibly trivial blog post. How about you? Assuming you’re a guy, do you go to the salon to have your hair trimmed? Do you give actual distinctive instructions on how you want your hair done? Okay.

(I am actually really tired right now)

So what?

It's Summer Break (Exclamation Points)

2011-03-27T13:30:00.014+08:00

Finally, I’m home. I won’t be babbling away on how happy I am now that I’d finally get two months of rest and that I deserve a break, etc., etc. Although by saying that I kind of did already.

Anyway, I have lots of plan for the summer and all of them do not involve getting out of the house. Yeah, what a gimp. It’s just that making huge plans like looking for a summer job or travelling or going out every then and again for some partying just never come about for real, not to mention the last two require some money which I don’t have at the moment. Maybe it’ll be simpler if I stay realistic and focus on the stuff that would more probably happen. Like me burying myself in books and sitting all day on my TV series/movie marathons. Now that’s very easy to do. And that’s exactly what I’m planning to do.

I spent some time over the last week buying books and stocking them for the summer. So far it seems like I’ll be engrossing myself in science-fiction-y Michael Crichton stuff. I bought a hardcover of Prey (for Php55) and a paperback of Congo for only Php17 (you have no idea what I put up to just to see that cheapest copy ever). I would probably resume reading A Case of Need, which was given to me by my roommate. I also had a sweet Php255-purchase of Insomnia by literary lion Stephen King. Then there are other unread books in my shelf (One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Running with Scissors, etc.) that I ought to start reading. Honestly, I had the urge to buy more books, but I figured that that will only make me even more financially incapable of going to our planned Mindoro trip this April.

Brian is a dork, 2011

In between reading time, I plan on catching up on some TV series I like, but stopped watching sometime in their latest season. There’s Fringe, The Good Wife, Grey’s Anatomy, Cougar Town, and Chuck. Also, I’m yet to continue watching Raising Hope. It’s a very quirky show. You should watch it. Yeah, mostly I feast on shows that do not require a lot of thinking (except maybe for Fringe), because practically TV series are my relief from all the stress of the real world (yes, drama).

Of course, there will be lots of movies to watch.

Also, I have like four articles to write (all of which were supposed to be submitted earlier), so maybe I’ll finish all of them before I start on my boring plans. I can actually spare time to think of a good thesis title, too, now that I’m an upcoming third year student. But that’s pretty unlikely of me.

So basically this post is an expression of how I’d spend the summer inside the house, in front of book pages and my laptop, and how much of a dork I am. Well, I’m sorry you had to read all these. Anyway, you didn’t have to. Why’d you read it, anyway? Oh, go to hell.

So what?

Feature of the Week: SkyFlakes Condesada

2011-02-27T22:04:00.004+08:00

It was inside a jeep where I first saw it. On its bright blue wrapper was a picture of a cracker sandwich filled with white cream and the word Condesada. I knew what it was. It was a new ingenious product I had to try; a new trivial stuff I had to write about, because I enjoy doing that.

So I did all I could to find that new SkyFlakes goodie. I went to the grocery to look for it, asked friends about it, and searched for it on the internet. Sadly, all efforts proved futile, for there seemed not to be any trace of that food’s existence. I thought maybe I was just hallucinating when I saw it. Perhaps there really wasn’t such thing in the first place. Then one lazy afternoon, while I was walking down the street on the way to my dorm, my peripheral vision saw it along an assortment of biscuits and one-peso snacks in a sari-sari store. It was like magic.

SkyFlakes Condesada is a great new product brought to us by M.Y. Sans, the same company that gave us SkyFlakes, and... I think that’s all they gave us. Basically, it’s three SkyFlakes crackers filled with condensed milk in between. You know how a lot of people love dipping bread and crackers in (usually leftover) condensed milk? I guess that’s where the concept came from. I’m giving M.Y. Sans an A for cleverness.

Deliciousness~

You’re probably thinking how they’ve managed to put condensed milk into the crackers without causing any spillage. Also how they avoided it from spoiling. Well, you know, it’s not actual condensed milk. Yeah, it’s artificial, just like the chocolate from them chocolate-filled cracker sandwich (and those strawberry-filled, whatever-flavor-filled, etc), and that’s really sad.

It tastes really good, though. At first it resembles the taste of a butter sandwich (think Rebisco butter cracker sandwich), but as you go on eating it becomes more like an actual condensed milk-filled crackers—just like how it should be. And that’s awesome to eternity!

This new flavor sure is very interesting. I actually never thought they’d think of creating a cracker sandwich with that flavor for real. It’s just so bizarre. But of course thinking that there once was a craze for lollipops with glowing handles makes this creation somehow relevant. It is relevant to me, anyway.

So why are you still sitting there, you fool, go on to the nearest sari-sari store now and avail of this rare goodness!

Feature

The Real Deal behind Beer Bellies

2011-02-11T20:41:00.000+08:00

I’m back to writing about important topics in the society! So in this post, it will be all about beer bellies. That’s right.

A beer belly is a colloquial term used for abdominal obesity, an accumulation of abdominal fats that result to an excessive protuberance of the abdomen. Yeah, beer belly is simply a bloated stomach. It’s fittingly called that way, because it is believed to be obtained from too much consumption of beer.

Usually, a beer belly is what many people use to identify people who drink too much alcohol. They use it to judge them (i.e. Euw, gross), or make them think about quitting alcohol (i.e. Stop drinking, if you don’t want that belly to get bigger!). Well, for starters, a beer belly is a pretty serious indication that you’ve been doing something wrong with you body, and that lessening those unholy gulps from the beer mug might probably help.

But is beer belly really caused by too much beer? Does that name even give justice to the ginormous size of a beer belly?

Photo taken here

A study conducted in 2003 by researchers in Britain revealed that there’s no link between the amount of beer consumed and the size of the drinkers’ stomachs. The study was conducted among Czechs, who are world-renowned for being heavy beer drinkers. The scientists came out with this conclusion: “The relation between beer and obesity, if it exists, is probably weak.”

Hurrah! Let’s drink to that! Not.

The 2003-study ended up with a negative result, but a separate investigation conducted in 2004 by The Centre for Alcohol Research in Denmark proved that binge drinking causes beer belly. Binge drinking is when you consume a large amount of alcohol (this time, not just beer per se) in a short period of time, say a week. Professor Morton Gronbeck from the research center said, “We have some indication that people who are binge-drinking are more frequently apple-shaped.”

Now what exactly is being apple-shaped?

Photo taken here

An apple-shaped body is one where fats are more concentrated around the middle area of the body. It is when your belly, chest, (pubes), and other muscles at the central part of your body are fatter than your limbs (euw, gross). Gronbeck said that people with this figure are at higher risks of contracting fatal diseases like diabetes, coronary heart disease, stroke, and hypertension.

Bale, binge drinking will kill you.

Gronbeck (this name is very bothering) also said that a few intake, like 2 units (IDK how much that is) of alcohol every day may have a positive effect on coronary heart disease. But only if you’re 40 years old or older. Also, drinking about 10 drinks for two days in a week will prove disadvantageous, as it will lead you to the mentioned diseases in the future.

Back to beer bellies! The most accepted reason for beer bellies is overeating, especially when one spends more time eating than actually using the energy he/she gets from that. A sedentary lifestyle (such as mine), or having irregular or no physical activity is also accounted for being potbellied.

The bottom line is that beer belly isn’t totally an appropriate name. Neither is it completely wrong. Maybe, we should all drink moderately so that this won’t be a matter of concern for people who drink (just for people who overeats). Look at me, I don’t drink anymore! I’ve been sober for like two weeks already. LOL.

Go on with your beer, though. I don’t care what happens to you in the future anyway.

(Source) (Source)

Unfathomable

I am Disappoint: Four Not-so-Comfortable Days in Baguio City

2011-02-06T16:56:00.001+08:00

So a guy walked in a bar with a monkey, then...

I went to Baguio City Tuesday night with four of my orgmates and our adviser, and I obviously have no time to think of a really creative way of starting this post. So we were there as delegates for the Luzonwide Higher Education Press Conference (which was from February 2-5). This was after we topped competitions in the Regional level last December (I didn’t blog about it). Anyway, the Baguio trip wasn’t that nice. Here are some reasons why it wasn’t:

We checked in at Teacher’s Camp. It’s a total shithole, I’m telling you. The rooms there didn’t have restrooms, and there’s only one public CR for everyone on the floor. There are too many people in one floor! This CR is not even clean, it stinks, and its shower’s thermostats are either permanently broken or are bipolar (which makes showering a difficult thing). Our room, though, was a bit spacious. We have chairs and a table, dust-sodden curtains (circa 1999) and a SINGLE FUCKING OUTLET. Since we know we couldn’t survive with that, we personally purchased an extension cord. Now the beds—the beds were fine, they didn’t make creaking noises and their size is okay. The blankets, however, were so thin and they looked old, too. No, they are old, like wala-pang-DepEd old.

See what I mean?

Those blankets could’ve given me pneumonia if my immune system happened to be a little less strong, you know. They actually felt like wet towels at night! The pillows, too, were so flat. They also have DECS marked on them.

I don’t like the people there. I think I might have this tendency to hate people when a lot of them are around. You see, the conference was attended by some 700 plus people from around Luzon (and a few from Cebu), and more than half of them were annoying. They annoyed me, because I’m a judgmental human being. Perhaps I somehow caused my annoyance, because inside my head I was creating stereotypes that will fit them (like that they listen to corny FM stations, wear couples shirts, etc) that made me dislike them. But that doesn’t mean that they weren’t annoying. They really were. Exhibit A: During the group awards night, two gay guys were staging a stand-up comedy that was very stupid, and the crowd totally bought it. I guess it’s just a rule in my book that when you enjoy such stupid thing, I wouldn’t like you.

Also, I tried hard to spot some pretty girls and failed at it big time. I wasn’t even being picky. Now try to imagine that! Although there were a few ones in Baguio I found attractive (and I told this to Eunika already)—there was the girl who tended us lunch, but she was with the organizers, I think. There was also the girl who sold coffee in the bus terminal. And yes, the tall girl I saw at the regionals was there, too. Okay, creepy.

We didn’t tour around Baguio that much. We went to the market Friday afternoon to buy pasalubong (the idea of getting pasalubong still bugs me till today), and while we’re there we found out that there was a parade happening. It was Baguio’s Spring Festival. I thought that it would be cool being in time for an important event in Baguio, but I thought wrong. The only thing I enjoyed in the parade were the dragon dance (they also celebrated Chinese New Year) and those hyper kids from some elementary school in Baguio, while the rest of that long parade (it probably was longer than 10 MRTs connected) kind of bored me. After that short travel we tried to look for a taxi that will drive us back to camp, but there seemed to have been none available. We waited at Session Road for a free taxi to come, but still nothing gave. Then we decided to ride the jeep.

The bottom line is that we didn’t tour around Baguio and that’s a disappointment. Kind of.

***

I am such a pessimist, I know. Anyway, I still had fun for I was with awesome people for those four days. Although all we did was watch movies at night (like a family~) and breathe out through our mouths so that fog forms, I enjoyed our moments. Plus, our paper and magazine won awards in the group category. I and two of my orgmates also bagged awards in the individual category, so that’s another good thing. I finished fourth in the feature writing competition (lol, yabang).

Okay, that’s all. Those who keep on asking for pasalubong, WTF? Seriously, stop it.

*I don’t have the photos from the event, maybe I’ll update?

Event

A Boy's Envelope and Your Face of Disgust

2011-01-26T20:04:00.000+08:00

They come inside a jeep to nonchalantly hand you crumpled envelopes with almost-illegible handwritings of a 5-year-old. The envelopes say something like “Penge pong konting barya” with the salutation “Ate, Kuya”. But you cannot really be sure about what’s written on these envelopes, because they are really not easy to read and you don’t actually bother reading it most of the time, anyway. Why would you? It’s not as if the writings would change your mind about not giving a fuck about the young, snotty boy who just rode in. You wouldn’t dare look at these envelopes even if it had a sticker of a naked woman or beefcake on it now, would you?

Would you?

Seeing children begging for money on busy streets is not something surprising. It’s so typical now. So typical actually that seeing one no longer elicits concern. Ah, why should we be sympathetic and give these kids money if we all know that they’d just use it to buy glue and gamble? We all know that their parents are incorrigible slackers who let their kids do the moneymaking. Now with the new breed of beggars (the ones who are generous enough to bring props with their begging), we do the same thing: ignore them, and rationalize our ignorance of these kids’ needs.

Every time some untidy kid gets in the jeep and ask for some coins (by giving away envelopes), there are always snobbish adults who utter words of disgust. Some just make silly noises and put on facial expressions that suggest annoyance. I always hear these old folks say how irresponsible these kids’ parents are, how these kids learned how to make money in such young age, and how appalling these all are. Then these kindly adults will start talking to other kindly adults inside the jeep, as if trying to solicit agreement. And hell do they agree with one another.

These are the adults who talk about the poor kids and at the end give them nothing. It’s not really the not giving of coins that is wrong. What’s annoying is when people start speaking poorly about these kids, as if they somehow reserved the rights to. As if they actually do something to help them. Sure, maybe these kids are forced by their parents to beg for money, but doesn’t that make them even more wretched? They could be a part of a group of kids paid to do what they do, but that just makes them equally pathetic. They are poor kids, with really pitiable situations and no matter how much we rationalize, they are still the victims here. They are kids, for fuck’s sake, and even if they are annoying and disgusting even, they don’t deserve your sneers, your angry and preachy words, your ignorance.

They ask only of a few coins. If you have some, then why not give it? You let a one peso coin slip and get lost, so why not give one you have to a kid who’s asking for it? Don’t think the money’s going to an irresponsible parent, think it’s going to free a kid from a parent’s heavy beating.

I know people say that giving these children coins will make them continue doing the wrong act of begging. Well, I don’t know what to say about that. I think that’s just stupid and, again, another rationalization. Don’t be a stingy motherfucker. Trade your fucking point for these kids’ welfare.

Perhaps those who know me wouldn’t have seen this post coming, because I don’t like kids. I hate kids. But I just don’t hate them enough to see them suffer. I have not come to that yet.

Delirium

My Amnesia Girl

2011-01-08T21:49:00.001+08:00

I’ve seen enough of our country’s mainstream films to believe that every single one of them is stupid. You know, the terrible dialogue, completely clichéd plots, boring characters, and lame special effects for them fantasy movies—these have all been my identifiers of a Filipino pop movie. Actually sometimes I blame Star Cinema, Viva Films, and the other movie companies for the decline of the Filipino’s sensibilities. But then there are also times when I feel like I’ve been judging these movies rather impulsively. So when I saw a good review of My Amnesia Girl at Pelikula Tumblr, I thought maybe it’s time to give a commercial Filipino movie another shot for my appreciation. Yeah, like a boss.

Photo taken here

My Amnesia Girl stars John Lloyd Cruz as Apollo, a charming and quite successful salesman who despite having a lot of relationships, fails to find that one woman he’ll settle with (most of his friends already had). While at the wedding of one of his friends, Apollo recalls that only time when he was nearest to being married. He remembers Irene (Tony Gonzaga), the girl who was equally as good with cheesy pickup lines as Apollo was. The two had a completely good chemistry because of this. Now when they were about to get married, Apollo had a bout of cold feet and ran away from his bride. They’ve never seen each other again—until after three years when fate made them meet in a supermarket (it was SM Supermarket, I’m pretty sure). Apollo shyly (it has to be awkward, of course!) approaches Irene and asks her what’s up. Irene tells Apollo that she doesn’t know him and that she has amnesia (ah, May Amnesia, girl).

This was a lie, though. She had no amnesia and only said she had to avoid a bitter encounter with her ex-fiancé. But gullible Apollo nevertheless believed her and found her amnesia as an opportunity for a renewed relationship with her. Irene did not make the process easy, though, as she was at first decided to make the guy look like a fool (incessantly asking him to run errands, etc). But Apollo is serious as fuck—he organized a grandiose birthday party (that celebrated 28 of Irene’s birthdays) for the girl, posted post-its all over her house, and sang a Gary V. song to her in a train that didn’t seem to have any dropping station. So what Irene’s little sick joke conjured up was nothing but her being in love with Apollo all over again (can I just reiterate how no one can resist John Lloyd’s charms?). You probably see the conflict here: Irene has to tell Apollo about the lie, and when she did, Apollo cried. The next scenes led to the conclusion and I would not tell you about that. Hint: there was no song-and-dance number. And oh, it was a very ironic ending.

Plus John Lloyd removes his pants *kilig*

I do not have much experience with romantic movies, so I don’t know about how good My Amnesia Girl is as such. But I’ve seen a couple of Filipino films, so how about I use them as basis for my review? Anyway, I thought My Amnesia Girl was pretty good. I enjoyed it, mostly because of John Lloyd’s acting (which was very effective, IDEK why) and Toni’s legs. Also, I saw in this film what I wish to find in all Filipino-produced films—realistic script, scenes (not all), and characters. Apollo’s friends, for instance, share witticisms that are just so real I find myself laughing with them. I say good job to director Cathy Garcia-Molina for that. There were also plenty scenes where the couple exchanges corny pickup lines like “Alam mo, baka hindi ka na makauwi, kasi nasa isip na kita”, and weirdly, those scenes made me smile. The characters were not exactly the most interesting, but they were likable enough to not bore you in the entirety of the movie. The acting was okay, too. John Lloyd’s, however, was exceptional. I mean, how can he act that well?

Here are some faults though: it wasn’t completely free from those irksome melodramatic sequences where a character cries while talking (the masang Pilipino completely eats that shit up). Then there’s the blunt musical scoring that ruined the mood for me more than once.

Something like this

Overall, I think My Amnesia Girl is a nice movie. It absolutely isn’t my type of movie (sentimental and romantic scenes still give me the cringes), but I liked it, more so that it’s Filipino. A little more deviations from the old and stupid Filipino movie formula and perhaps our country’s film industry will be awesome. I will wait for that to happen.

Review

Things to Look Forward to For 2011

2010-12-30T22:25:00.001+08:00

I liked 2010. It was a really good year for me. Maybe it was not that nice to you and that’s really sad, but hey, we have another year to look forward to. Let’s all see the world in a new light this new year and begin throwing away goodness at people’s way. That way, we can ensure a really peaceful world. Or maybe we can just continue drinking beer and smoking pot (I don’t smoke weeds, okay) the entire year and hope the Philippines gets better. Yeah, let’s do that.

Also, there’s a bunch of interesting stuff coming this 2011, so that’s probably some motivation to still live. Here are some of them.

I’ve researched a couple of cool (at least they look cool) films that are set to air next year. There are some superhero movies in the likes of The Green Hornet (January), Thor (May), Green Lantern and X-Men: First Class (June), and Captain America (July). Super 8, a J.J. Abrams sci-fi movie is also up for June and I have a feeling that it’s gonna be awesome. What I’m totally psyched about, though, is the Simon Pegg-Nick Frost comedy Paul (March). I really wish they screen that film here. The much-anticipated Black Swan that stars Natalie Portman is also set for February. Jane Eyre, the famous novel I don’t think I’ll ever read, was again adapted for the big screen (just like every other good novels) and is to be aired in March. Plus, there will be shitloads of chick flicks and movies in stupid 3D.

A couple of ridiculous movies are also to be screened in 2011. There’s Winnie the Pooh (July), a few movies that will star Taylor Lautner, The Smurfs (August), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn (November), lol.

Speaking of that, sequels—there will be tons of them, as usual (because we can’t get enough of ~good~ movies). Ong Bak 3 will be aired in January; Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2 in March; Scream 4 in April; Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Kung Fu Panda 2 and The Hangover 2 in May; Cars 2 in June, Transformers 3 and the last Harry Potter movie in July (boohoo for all you Harry Potter fans, lol); Spy Kids 4 and Final Destination 5 (how many do you guys need, seriously) in August; Paranormal Activity 3 and Saw 8 in October; Happy Feet 2 and Twilight something in November; and finally Alvin and the Chipmunks 3, Sherlock Holmes 2, and Mission Impossible 4 in December. What, effort.

Photo taken here

Heh. Look at that

As for music albums, there’ll be a new one from Cake and The Strokes this January. I just care for Cake’s, though. R.E.M. is also bound to release their 15th in March. The fourth studio album of Arctic Monkeys (I don’t listen to them, really) is due in May. Radiohead, Foo Fighters, Fiona Apple, Beastie Boys, Kanye West, and Death Cab for Cutie will all come out with new albums this coming year. And of course, LADY GAGA.

I want to tell you about the upcoming shit from the local scene, but I swear to god it’s difficult to find sources. The only thing I found was GMA7’s 2011 teleserye line up. You want that? I don’t. Just go here.

Personally, I only look forward to these things for the new year:

Cake’s new album

Tilda, a new HBO series starring *ehem* Ellen Page

Paul

The Hangover 2

A better Philippines

Metro Manila Film Festival 2011 (loljk)

So that is all. It is so effortful, this post. But anyway, Happy New Year everyone! May you all prosper and live peacefully in 2011. Cheers to you all!

Unfathomable

Christmas is a Tradition

2010-12-21T16:28:00.000+08:00

Christmas is a really happy season. It is when everyone pretends to be friends with their enemies, to be kind when they really know that they cannot afford to be generous, and to be religious and shit (I realize how antithetic my first sentence is to the second). Still, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. It is also pretty expensive, but then again, for the sake of the Christmas spirit and the joy, peace, and love, and stuff it gives people, we wouldn’t care.

By now you probably think I hate Christmas. I don’t. I maybe am an atheist, but I celebrate Christmas, too. I say “Merry Christmas” to people, give gifts (really rarely, though), and ask for gifts just like any other Christians would on Christmas Day. Here’s why: because for the many millennia this occasion was celebrated, it hasn’t been for Jesus Christ. Yeah, I know you guys always tell people how this is all about the birth of Jesus, but we all know that the man wasn’t born on the 25th of December, let alone December. I think it’s pretty funny how devout Christians themselves (my profs on my Religious Education courses, for example) know that they celebrate a faux occasion, but still continue to say that Christmas is the day the child Christ was born. They even say this with sincerity so it’s kind of ridiculous sometimes.

This is what I think about it: Christmas remained to be the birthday of Jesus Christ in most people’s heads, only because it is a tradition already. You cannot erase it. Even the most credible historian who would prove a certain date to be the actual Christmas cannot change this day. That’s why I join people in celebrating Christmas. Because it’s a tradition, just like your birthday or a town fiesta (you see, even non-Catholics go around town during fiestas).

Photo taken here

Add your text here

One can argue, however, that despite the knowledge that Christmas is indeed a wrong date, it is a designated time for remembering the birth of Jesus. Yeah, sure, but isn’t that just weird, giving your holy savior a birthday. It’s like saying “Hey dad, your birthday will be on December 25, okay?” only it’s worse because it’s Jesus Christ. JESUS H. CHRIST.

Anyway, do you know how this awesome affair came to life? Here’s a brief story according to this site. In the early setting in Rome (where Christianity originated), people worship the sun god, Mithra. They celebrate the birth of this god in their festivity called Saturnalia in the time between December 17-25. It was a time of lawlessness, when a certain person in every community is chosen to be forced to indulge on binge eating and other physical pleasures (I only have sex in mind) and at the culmination of the celebration (on December 25) that person is murdered in the belief that that is a way of defeating evil forces. No shit. They also engage in drinking sprees, rape, and just to balance things, eating human-shaped cookies.

Photo taken here

Saturnalia. They also did stuffs whilst naked, really

In history, the early Roman Christians found difficulty in converting these Sun-worshippers into being tamed and God-fearing Catholics, that’s why they pulled out a promise that is now responsible for the gifts under your Christmas trees during the 25th. The desperate Catholics told them that they can keep Saturnalia even after their conversion to Christianity, but they’d have to celebrate it the Christian way. So what the clever Romans did was replace the idea of Saturnalia being the birth of Mithra to being the birthday of the savior Jesus Christ.

Despite best efforts, the early Romans failed to remove old Saturnalia customs. Until today, people rape their ninong and ninangs during the 25th.

So that’s enough of history. I believe this story is real shit, but I know that this will not change a thing in the Christmas tradition. Although I think it’s all but hypocritical for Catholics to say that Jesus is at the center of their Christmases, I like that they use it as a time for sharing. At least they touch other people’s lives once in a year, however fake and temporary it is.

(sorry for not posting anything for this month till today)

Unfathomable

Musings Over the Week

2010-11-28T16:18:00.004+08:00

My week has been kind of awesome, so as filler to this blog I’m going to talk about some things I observed and learned from this week.

Monday I had beer with my dorm mate, because I felt a bit vindictive after being left out with my block mates’ session (LOLJK). We finished by 2 AM and at 5 AM, three hours after that, I woke up to get ready for our field trip. The class went to Crocodile Farm, where we met crocodiles and kids aged 7 or 8 who were having an excursion at that same place. Funny, because I’m in college. Right after that we went to Manila Zoo (IKR?), then to Manila Ocean Park (come fucking on!) then to the Myth of the Human Body, a museum at Taguig City.

Photo by Anya

It was so exciting, holding crocodiles, you know

Wednesday and Thursday were typical school days where I had to wake up early and study for exams. Of course, I had to work, too. Friday night I went to Ian’s house to celebrate with him his birthday. Yes, there was beer involved! We were done getting drunk and tripping on our friend Camille over the phone by 4:30 in the morning, so we slept. Woke up at 10:30, decided to stay over until 5:00 (this is boring me already). After that, we went out for a road trip, dropped by a YFC youth camp and went to Jay-Em’s councilor father’s rest house. Jay-Em drove Nico and Paul home, then we thought of fetching Camille and Aly on our way to a former teacher’s house where we had pizza. Then I went home.

On Sunday, which is today, I stayed home with my mother and all my four kapatids. This happens only rarely.

Now, the things I learned (hint: this will be long):

Given enough reasons to stay pissed, I could ignore beer (and my girlfriend).

I can’t stop talking about wanting to try weeds when I’m drunk.

My roommate often bullshits when there’s beer on the table.

People from our program council are babies. I swear to God they propose the lamest activities.

It’s hard to resist your girlfriend.

Reptiles are cold.

My block mates would enjoy seeing a fat python wrap itself on me.

Animals in Manila Zoo are old and stinky. They need to die, for their own good.

Animals in Manila Zoo are so pathetic.

Adult male Americans in the Philippines have old and ugly Filipina girlfriends/wives who wear shades up on their heads.

The management of the Manila Ocean Park wants people to conserve water because they wasted enormous volumes of it already for the very essential purpose of recreation and moneymaking.

I don’t like the management of the Manila Ocean Park.

I know that the Manila Ocean Park is an outlet for tourism.

But I still don’t like the management of the Manila Ocean Park.

I, too, can have a favorite fish.

Photo taken here

This is a lipstick tang. Your argument is invalid

Jellyfishes contained in dramatically-lighted cylinders appeal to me.

Seeing preserved and modelled cadavers make me want to devour meat. Seriously.

Some of my block mates find amusement in eating ice cream cones.

I don’t understand my block mates sometimes.

I cannot survive an entire day hearing pop music and not complain about it at least once.

Three hours of sleep and a day full of walking and smelly animals wear me out.

I can still study and teach basic Organic Chemistry concepts while I’m worn out.

I’m having problems writing.

My high school batch mates still cannot believe that I turned into the guy I am now. They always bring into discussion the fact that I did not drink with them before.

Since I learned the skill of pinching the uvula when you’re tipsy, I can’t help myself from doing it, all the fucking time.

I know so little about stuff guys often talk about: sports, cars, video games, etc.

There’s a gasoline station named Jetron, a portmanteau of Jetti and Petron.

It’s both awkward and interesting for an atheist to be in a religious camp. It’s like I’m the anti-Christ present to torment them all.

Politicians keep a haven for their day-long karaoke singing and hard liquor, and they call it a “rest house”.

I missed sharing lunch with my brother and sisters.

Except for my nephews, I’m the only one younger than 20 in the family.

But I feel old.

We always have sinigang on Sundays.

Writing for my blog gets me revved up for real writing.

Putting thoughts in bullets is easy.

Merry Christmas na, sa aking puso~.

So yeah, I have to do more work now. Be back on December. Merry Christmas Na!

Note

Feature of the Week: KFC Double Down

2010-11-21T15:23:00.001+08:00

I’ve decided to bring the Feature of the Week back for two reasons: One, I enjoy writing it and two, I tried the new KFC Double Down.

It has been long since I knew about this product, because it was then featured by blogger Ade Magnaye in his blog. That post made me cringe and although it blatantly (and jokingly) showed how the Double Down seems to be the spawn of evil, I knew I had to try it. Then came the day when it’s actually available here in the Philippines. So I tried it.

Last Tuesday I went to the mall with my roommate to have lunch. We were so hungry that time since all we had in our system was the beer from the previous night. Hurriedly, we went to KFC and ordered our food.

Now, the food:

Photo taken here

KFC Double Down is a sandwich that goes on the tagline “so meaty, there’s no room for a bun”, which doesn’t make that much sense if you ask me. The line pertains to the fact that unlike the sandwich many are familiar about (like the sandwiches they distribute during low-budget birthday parties and seminars), Double Down has no bread at all. Replacing the buns are two meaty chicken filets that squash in bacon strips and cheese. There’s also mayo in it, but that’s all. You’re feeling so lucky, huh.

Looking at it, or even just hearing about the idea of an all-meat sandwich is enough for someone to crave. Like, hell, it’s all just chicken and bacon, for fuck’s sake! If there are two foods humankind would never get tired of eating it will be bacon and chicken. Chicken and bacon. So this treat from KFC must be heaven, right? It is, yes, but not till the end, I guess. At least not for me.

It’s like a beaten-up version

If there’s one thing Double Down made me realize, it would be that someone can actually get too much chicken. You see, when there’s fried chicken at home, I’d practically never stop gnawing on it until it’s finished (that, or my mother would remind me that some people from the house have not eaten yet, so I have to stop it already). But when I was down to the last few bites of my Double Down, I felt like I’m getting sick of the chicken already. Don’t get me wrong, the food was such a delight, but it just...it just felt too much in the end. Maybe it’s because one bite from this food means a hell lot of chicken in your mouth, so there’s a big chance you’d get sick of it fast.

Still, the food was awesome. Anyway, if you’re asking about the bacon, it was there, but there was only a tad, so I didn’t recognize its presence that much. I also need more bacon than that.

Now for its nutritional value...ah, who cares?

Oh, I don’t know if it was just me, but my fingers were turning a bit blackish while I was eating the sandwich. The paper wrapper appeared to be staining my hands with carbon (like in a carbon paper) because my fingers were oily (Double Down is really oily). However, whatever.

The food is quite cheaper than I expected. An ala carte meal costs only Php100, Php115 for a meal with a drink, and Php135 if you wish to add a fixin with your Double Down and drink.

Lots of people have tried this product already. It’s just so intriguing for many, I guess. Imagine, a sandwich with no bun? What the hell. It’s just wrong. And so intriguing (I can go with this the whole day). But no, seriously, why don’t you try this food yourself? It’s so rad.

Feature

The Home of NU Rock, NU107

2010-11-08T14:58:00.001+08:00

When I was in Grade 6, I was a transferee. Fitting in that time wasn’t easy, probably because most of my classmates have established groups, most of them bullies, and getting into one is like entering a frat of some sorts. I made friends, though, because it’s what society wants me to do. I had this one friend who I made by common interest. We both listen to NU107. I remember the song that made us talk about NU. It was “Coin-Operated Boy” by The Dresden Dolls. I think either of us sang the song and the other noticed, thinking “Hey this guy listens to NU,” because that’s practically the only radio station in the country that plays it. For the rest of the school year, we talked about the cool songs we hear from the station and other stuffs related. There’s a memory of us talking about the top 107 songs NU charts annually at the end of each year.

But now, now they won’t have that anymore. Now there’s no radio station that will play true rock music and nothing but that. DWNU 107.50 has officially signed off. It’s sad, really, that one (I won’t say only) smart radio station has left the Philippine airwaves. It’s sad that the next generation of kids won’t have the decent rock music my cohort still got to experience. Now they all have to wallow into the annoying radio stations that market nothing but loud jocks incapable of saying something smart and music of utter idiocy. Now that’s why the kids are so dumb (not in the mood to sugarcoat, okay). Yes, I am that mad.

NU107 is gone and although I’m not one you’d call a fan, I am greatly affected by this. You know why? BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKING STATION THAT PLAYS REAL ROCK MUSIC. It’s practically the only reason I’d keep a radio. And I just lost that lone reason. How fucking terrible.

Then again it’s not only about the listeners or the jocks that just lost their jobs. Our music industry will suffer greatly, I’m pretty sure. OMG THIS IS SO SAD.

It made me sad okay, and if you don’t think I should be, well suck it up, because I’m sad and fuck you.

Sigh. If, like me, you got drunk and missed NU’s last hour, you can download it here.

Delirium

Happy Halloween! Here's Your Suman

2010-10-31T13:59:00.001+08:00

It’s the last day of October! You know what that means. Tomorrow will be November 1 and you’ll be finding yourself yet again in some place where people celebrate the dead. Long live! You see, the Filipino tradition lets us remember, at least once a year, our memories with the departed. But really, we only want to feast and enjoy a generous potluck in every occasion or holiday there is. Like this one.

It’s the last day of October! You know what that means. It’s Halloween! It’s time to sport your most creative (or spooky, if you may) Halloween costume and go to very mature Halloween parties where others are dressed in creative costumes too.

Photo taken here

I think this is creative enough

If you’re a kid, then tour your entire block in your costume, ring your neighbors’ door bells (knock if they don’t have one), and yell, like the cute kid that you are “Trick or Treat.” Also, what are you doing on my blog? Now hope that they’d give you candies, not suman, or worse, condescending laughter. Like, geez, motherfucker, you’re not in the freaking USA, trick-or-treat my ass.

We don’t really have Halloween here. No trick or treating and no costume parties for the kids. However, if you’re rich and you live in some fine village where everybody’s got fancy cars and lofty houses, then you might be enjoying Halloween every year. Congratulations on that.

But this is not to say that Halloween isn’t around us. It’s weird, yes, that we don’t have the tradition, but when this time of the year comes, everything commercial becomes filled with Jack-o-lanterns and green goo. TV shows, the mall near your place (which is most probably SM, thanks for everything Henry Sy), your favorite fast food joint, and even the sales representative (*ehem* look who’s being politically correct) in the supermarket are all decorated in orange with some ~spooky~ bats flying around.

Photo taken here

Because Ritz crackers are so relevant to Halloween

Halloween is in the Philippines and you should be proud. Because...IDK, Filipinos are proud of everything, aren’t we?

Anyway, have a fun in whatever-is-the-plan-for-tonight. I know I’d be home again tonight playing Resident Evil 3 (playing it is like an urge to bring back memories, okay) or reading this Stephen King book, because nobody wants to drink with me. Also, have a good time tomorrow at the cemetery. I probably won’t go there, because I’m a grumpy teenager who doesn’t like Filipino traditions that much and who nobody wants to drink with.

For whatever it’s worth, happy Halloween! And did I say nobody wants to drink with me?

Delirium